Two nights ago, I was experiencing great sadness. I woke up feeling heavy and sad, and then I meditated.
At first, I talked with myself and said, "everything is okay." I addressed all the concerns I had, acknowledged them, gave them love, and expressed to myself how each individual concern is going to be okay. It felt like I was my own father and mother taking care of myself. It felt like I was holding myself. It felt like I was holding a younger version of myself, like I was holding a little boy.
I meditated on love for a while. Loving myself. Loving everything. Filling both with love. I meditated on loving you. I meditated on loving friends.
I then meditated on gratitude. I thanked myself, I thanked happiness, I thanked sadness, I thanked fear, abundance, I thanked the experience of emotions, I thanked emotions themselves, I thanked you, I thanked the universe, I thanked myself.
I then placed my hands on my heart and practiced some of the medical intuition my girlfriend Megan shared with the world yesterday. My heart chakra wasn't feeling as vibrant as usual. As I placed my hands on my heart though, and as I acknowledged it and gave it love, I started feeling better. I felt more love flow in and out. I felt a green light growing brighter and stronger.
I then went into my heart and was intuitively guided to ask myself, "why does my heart hurt?" More love flowed in and out of my heart chakra at that point and I started seeing something. "Why does my heart hurt?" I asked again. Then, I saw a five year-old boy. It was me when I was five. He was afraid. He was afraid of being abandoned. He was curled up, protecting himself from the world, wondering if his mom was going to abandon him. I gave him a hug. I gave him a big hug as I watched the entire cosmos--planets, stars and galaxies--wrap around him in loving embrace.
"Everything's okay. I'm always here for you. You don't have to worry," I said while hugging him. "She stays. Mom, she stays. The whole feminine, she stays. She's always here for you. The feminine is always here. There's nowhere for her to go." I held the little boy and then, as he was wrapped in the cosmos, he started dancing!! He started dancing this little stomping dance of joy! He was dancing, stomping his legs, and he reminded me of that one dancing and stomping minion emoji sticker on Facebook. He was so happy. He is so happy. He was originally afraid, but now he was dancing. And then, while wrapped in the stars, he raised his arms in the air in an expression of loving triumph. He raised his arms in the air, and then I picked him up from the waist and spun him around as he accepted infinite love flowing to him from everything: from the planets, the stars, galaxies, the feminine, the masculine, the universe, himself, me, and everything beyond. He felt and feels safe, happy and loved.
I held my hands on my heart and felt a great love flowing to, from, through and all around.